Wordless Wednesday {The Other Night}

One Fun Weekend

Generally we take it easy on our weekend, having one activity planned out, but the other week we had a whole plethora of things pop up for the same weekend!

Friday night our good friend came over to watch Gwen while Trav and I went to a local movie theater for a Quote Along. This place regular hosts these special "movie parties" where they pick a cult following type movie, provide props, and invite you to come quote the lines along with the movie.

It is such a fun night. We'd done one before for Army of Darkness, and this time we got to see Clue!

I forgot just how much I love that movie.

Saturday we all headed to various yoga classes in the morning, mine being the latest, and when I arrived home, they surprised me with doughnuts from Fractured Prune! So good.

We headed downtown after that to check out a fun art gallery that was hosting a little party for one of their main artists. He does amazing art mostly based off of SciFi (Harry Potter, Star Wars, Guardians of the Galaxy, etc). We got one of his prints, as well as a piece by an amazing Russian artist.

Next it was time to check out a pop up Poutinerie! (One week only, done by Air Canada, a fundraiser!) I have a bit of a love affair with poutine, so I was very excited for this.

We tried three different kinds, and were pleased with all of them.

And so full. So very, very full. 

That night we headed to our neighbors/friends place for a game night. We always have the best time with them, and this was no exception.

Sunday we finally cashed in Gwen's big Christmas gift, picking up her friend Maddie and heading over to Boondocks. Thankfully it was a gorgeous day, and they had hours (and hours and hours) of fun there...

Rides (including Gwen's first time on the go carts), games, and a competitive game of laser tag.

We got in on some of the action too.

It was a lot of fun, and we were all a little worn out by the time we dropped Maddie off at home. After that I had to go teach, but then we were all in bed early. Great weekend!

Satisfied

I'll tell you the truth. I'm struggling. A lot. I feel like I'm having a (hopefully very early) mid-life crisis. I have a stable job that pays the bills, a loving husband who treats me well, a beautiful daughter that loves me and who I adore, and there are things finally happening in my life which I've been working towards for a while now. I feel like I should be happy. But I'm not.

Don't get me wrong, I have fun. I have many happy moments. I appreciate life and don't want to end it. But overall I've been spending a lot of time feeling sad, frustrated, unsure, and like I am not where I should be. I wonder if I am capable of just being satisfied with life, or if I am doomed to spend forever feeling like something is missing.

I know that something has to change. I can't live the rest of my life this way. But I don't know what. And I don't know how.

I wrote that towards the end of 2013, then published it in early 2014. I am no where near where I was back then - in time, place, life, feels! - but I still struggle with this, "I wonder if I am capable of just being satisfied with life, or if I am doomed to spend forever feeling like something is missing." I actually just said to a friend the other week that I identified very strongly with one particular part of Hamilton.

[HAMILTON] You strike me as a woman who has never been satisfied
[ANGELICA] I’m sure I don’t know what you mean. You forget yourself
[HAMILTON] You’re like me. I’m never satisfied




A few weeks ago I was in a bad spot and I wrote this,

I feel like an unbalanced scale, ready to tip over and spill everything I contain. I’m an out of control car veering around Mountain curves, moments from careening over the edge and flying into the abyss. 

I listen to my music loud loud loud, so it rattles my bones and drowns out the noises in my head. And I listen to songs on repeat to they become the tempo of my insides. “You could dance like, we were all alright...”

My dad was diagnosed as bipolar when I was just a few years older then Gwen is now, and I think there’s always been this fear in the back of my mind. 

I lay in bed alone, and speak my truth out loud to the forgiving darkness. No condemnations come down, no bolts of lightning, the world keeps spinning. 

I'm not there anymore either, but I can finally see the pattern in myself. I have my first appointment with a psychologist in 2 weeks. Its funny, I've always been a huge believer in therapy for everyone, and am the first person to encourage others to go, but I've never been able to take that step myself. When I was at my worst I couldn't make that call, and when things were good I pretended I didn't need it. No more.

In some ways I'm an open book, happily answering any question you have for me, talking about the most intimate stories and feelings. But my depression and my dissatisfaction is something different. I can't talk about it (please don't try). The things I've written here are the most I've expressed it, and this post is probably the most direct so far. Writing is so much easier then speaking it out loud.

There have been plenty of changes for the better, steps taken this year, but this one I think will be the most important. Wish me luck.

Grace meets us where we are, but it never leaves us where it found us. - Anne Lamott

Wordless Wednesday {Easter Cookie Painting}

 

Beautiful and delicious!!

At this moment...

At this moment...


I'm disappointed I won't get to see every single person I want to see when we travel back to the East Coast. 

I'm grateful for my amazing family and friends.

I'm excited for Mexico in 9 days!!!!!!! Soul sister time!!

I'm frustrated with not enough hours in the day or days in the week!

I'm relieved that a good friend got some great medical news.

I'm incredibly ready for summer travels. I want to go go go.

I'm trying to release heavy things that don't serve me.


Where are you at this moment?

A Weekend Hike with Friends

After Trav and Gwen got back from skiing the other weekend, we joined some of our friends to head up to a hike near Golden, Colorado. We love Golden, though we had never been to this area before.

The views were wonderful! White Ranch Open Space is a must see for anyone nearby!

The  hike itself was great too. It was a little snowy/muddy at points, but the weather was gorgeous.

We did about 3.3 miles, and there was some good elevation change. Gwen did the whole thing herself (minus a little lift over some snow that was deeper then her shoes!).

We stopped about 3/4 of the way through to have a piecemeal picnic on the rocks.

We are so lucky to have made some really great friends out here, and so lucky to have friends that enjoy the outdoors as much as we do!

We will definitely be doing another hike soon!

Wordless Wednesday {My Amazing Family}

Longing

by Matthew Arnold

Come to me in my dreams, and then

By day I shall be well again!

For so the night will more than pay

The hopeless longing of the day.

Come, as thou cam'st a thousand times,

A messenger from radiant climes,

And smile on thy new world, and be

As kind to others as to me!

Or, as thou never cam'st in sooth,

Come now, and let me dream it truth,

And part my hair, and kiss my brow,

And say, My love why sufferest thou?

Come to me in my dreams, and then

By day I shall be well again!

For so the night will more than pay

The hopeless longing of the day.

Time Alone

Last year I mentioned to Trav that one thing I wanted more then anything for this coming year, was some time alone in our apartment. I have traveled by myself frequently and am so grateful for that, but it is very rare that I get more then a few hours to myself in our own home, definitely not for multiple days! There's something very different about having that time in our own place. So, on Thursday of Gwen's Spring Break week, she and Trav woke up long before me and headed up to the mountains.

They got to spend two days and two nights up at Breckenridge, and I got to spend two days and two nights in our apartment, with only my own agenda to mind. They had an amazing time skiing, and Gwen just keeps getting better and better.

I enjoyed my free time, but keep busy too! I headed down to Colorado Springs to have a really wonderful postpartum visit with my most recent doula family.

I have really lucked out with the most amazing doula clients! And there is something so special about the postpartum visit. (All of these photos posted with permission.)

After my doula visit (and a Skype date with SaraMarie at the beginning of the day), I headed back up home.

I was tired out, so while Trav and Gwen finished skiing, had some time in the hot tub, then took a dip in the snow (eeee!), I headed to my neighbors house for salads and Moscow Mules in my PJs!

I love living so close to such good friends!

I got to FaceTime with Trav and Gwen both nights, which was nice too.

Friday dawned with Trav and Gwen heading here!: 

And me heading out to do this:

My boy Daniel decided some change was in order! So red it was (with some purples)!

I hit up some yoga after that, and headed to the store, but the rest of the day was a restful one... full of little chores around the house, leftovers, and some Netflix in my PJs.

I also got excited about the Easter goodies that had arrived in the mail! (Paint your own cookies by my amazing friend Vicki, and my mom's special pretzel candies!!)

Trav and Gwen arrived by home Saturday before lunch, and we whiled away the rest of the weekend together, but it was amazing having a few days to myself!