Breakdowns and Breakthroughs

We're about halfway through Yoga Teacher Training at this point.

I look at that sentence and hardly know where to begin to go on from there. The gift that this process has been to me so far. I thought I knew what I would be getting from this, and then we started our module on pranayama (breath work) and meditation. I was blown out of the water on the very first night.

I broke down. Tears on the mat, tears in front of my fellow yogis in training. The days and weeks leading up to that moment had been harder then I'd let myself acknowledge. There is so much wonder and beauty and freedom in this new Colorado life of ours. It feels blasphemous to even dwell on anything other then the crazy amount of blessing we've received here. But there is also a health dose of loneliness and self doubt, and pushing that down is doing me no favors.

We store emotions in our body in so many ways, and yoga, especially combined with breath work (and meditation), is a great way to break through that. Those tears, they were what I needed. They were healing, a release and a balm.

Last night was a really beautiful night at yoga teacher training; we worked on pranayama and meditation for the first time. It had been a really rough afternoon, and even before that the past weeks have been harder than I've been letting myself feel. It all came to a head last night, but thankfully the fates knew what they were doing. Our breathing exercises, our gentle practice, and our 10 minute meditation... they broke me wide open. My heart was exposed to everybody there, and they embraced me (literally and figuratively). I am so blessed to be on this journey with such beautiful people. I am so glad that I have these friends here in Colorado. I'm especially grateful to have @maram_yogagirl as one of my guides on this journey. She is a sister of my heart, and I don't know what I would do without her. In today's leaning tree pose (day 2 of the #dreambigwithtfm challenge), I'm choosing to take a bind, to continue with that openhearted feeling. While I know they will be bad days ahead, I also know that I can always find space on my mat, to breathe into my worries and lighten them so they can float away. I thank the universe every day for bringing yoga into my life. Show me what you've got @fitwithrachelmarie and @maram_yogagirl (and can't wait to check in with @laurasykora @masumi_g @twofitmoms @gaiam ) #openheart #treepose #yoga #yogaeverydamnday #vriksasana

A photo posted by Meegs (@tattooedmeegs) on Mar 2, 2016 at 6:55am PST

You don't replace friends that have been with you for years in the matter of months. But the lies that had been taking root in my soul, "You have no friends here. You are alone.", are just that. Lies. And that night they were shattered. On that night I was broken into a newfound wholeness.

I have beautiful friends. In Pennsylvania, and here, in Colorado. For Pennsylvania it will take a little more effort to maintain those relationships. For Colorado, it will take time to nurture and grow those relationships. All good things take effort. All good things take time. You plant seeds, and your reward for feeding them and waiting on them patiently is a bountiful harvest of sweet fruits.

It can be painful to grow, but it is also necessary and transformative. When I take the time to breakdown, then I can see how bountiful life is. When I allow myself the room to breakthrough, I realize how truly not alone I am.

I cannot wait to see where the next 2.5 months take me.