An Honest Post about Life

Gwen returns to school tomorrow, and I'll be honest, I'm more then ready. I've had more then one moment over the past month, of just feeling like Motherhood is beating me right now.

It seems that the more time we spend together, the more she needs me, but the more we need time apart. She gets angry and impatient, and my patience falls apart by the afternoon. So many things are so much more fun with her around, but everything takes longer and many things are harder.

In some ways the balance out here in Colorado is so much better then in Pennsylvania... Trav and I have more dates, he gets out more (as I encouraged him to do in PA), I have more time for yoga and more time with Gwen. But. In other ways its so much harder here; I feel like Trav and I have less time together total, Gwen has so much less of an outlet away from us, and we have no family or friends to escape to.

I'm trying to be better about self-care. Doing certain things to make myself feel healthier and better. More consistent home practice for yoga, for one. And remembering that the only constant in life is its ability to change. This too shall pass, etc etc.  ;-)

Gwen says to me "Mama, I love you, too much," and I have to agree that sometimes it feels that way. Like her love for me is so overwhelming that I couldn't possibly live up to it. Mostly though, I remember even in the hardest times, that I am so lucky to be so loved by such an amazing little life. Even when it is overwhelming, and even when it is frustrating.

Getting back on track and back on schedule will be just what I need... I believe.