quiet

Its not yet "bedtime," but the house is quiet, dark, and everyone else is asleep. Its a few peaceful moments to myself that I need after a long, frustrating day. You know when you hit that particular annoyance point-of-no-return? Where-after everything annoys you way more then it would otherwise? I hit that around 2ish. I hate that. And I hate when I know, rationally... logically, that I'm not really displaying an appropriate level of emotion vs. the action that caused it, but I can't stop the way I feel.

I was thinking of Gram today. She was the last of my grandparent's to pass, and I think that made it even harder. That generation of my family is gone now. My other grandparents feel even further away, almost like I'm grieving the loss of them all over again with her death. I know Gwen won't remember her, and that sucks. Oh, I'll show her pictures and talk about Gram and she'll know who she is... but she won't retain her own memories of her. And right now I'm even afraid to talk about her with Gwen because I don't know what I would say if she asks when we're going to see Gram again.

I feel like I'm taking everyone on a bipolar rollercoaster lately. I'm happy, I'm sad, I'm rejuvenated, this is hard. But that's what my head is doing and I am generally pretty upbeat in person, so this is where I get it out. Apologies.

::sigh::