mama guilt

Tomorrow I'm hopping in my car post-nap, and driving 2 hours to my good friend's place for a jewelry party. I'm not going there for the jewelry, but because it is a great excuse to see my friend and a few good mutual friends as well. I adore her and I'm so excited.

I also feel a little guilty. I'm leaving either right after Gwen gets up from nap or before she gets up depending on nap timing, and won't be home until after her bedtime for sure. I adore bedtime. With work/daycare taking up most of our waking hours during the week, bedtime is our cuddle time. Our quiet, snuggly, nursing time. Its when we can finally slow down and just be together. I feel guilty for missing that.

Here's the thing though, I shouldn't! As mentioned, this trip isn't about buying jewelry, its about putting time in on a friendship that I value. That's something that Meegs, the person, needs to do.

Ironically, my guilty is normally over something exactly opposite. Normally, unless its something important, I'm the mama who's staying home and not missing her babe's bedtime because, as you can probably tell, its really important to me. Its not that my friends aren't important to me... because they are! Immensely! But this time is so fleeting, that I want to soak up as many bedtimes as I can before she's no longer nursing, before she doesn't want me to sing to her, before she's too big for me to pick up and hold.

And I feel guilty for that too.

I'm working on it though. Pushing the guilt away and reminding myself that I'm allow both kinds of nights, I need both kinds of nights. I'm getting better at it, but not perfect yet. 

What is it about this damn mama guilt?
What brings the guilt out in you?