After a miscarriage, you grieve for a person you never knew, and for a relationship that ended before it really began. You grieve not for a person who has lived and died but for an unlived life. You grieve for the loss of your future as the parent of the baby who has died. You are sad not just because of what you have lost but because of what will never be.
If that life had come to fruition, I would have an almost 6 month old now. I wonder what that baby would have been, would have been like. But I can't be too sad because if that baby were here, then Gwenivere would not be... at least, not this Gwenivere that I love so very much.
So today I will say a silent prayer for my baby that wasn't, and hold a little tighter to my baby that is. And I would love if you could all do the former too.
Your post was so very sweet and touching. The anniversary of our loss was last week and I feel the same way. I was looking back at my blog reading the entries from the time I miscarried and it was really therapeutic for me. I have come so far since then and appreciate every day even more for this healthy little girl within me. I have a healthy pregnancy now with our first daughter arriving in June but I still feel the loss of our first little one. Every kick and flutter is a miracle to me! I believe our love for our lost babies occupies a special place in our heart. Thinking of you and sending you hugs today!
ReplyDeleteQuite bitter sweet. Thank goodness you do have Gwen, but still...my heart goes out to you today.
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