Dear Body,
I realized this morning that its been a while since I really looked at you in a mirror... I mean, really at you, and not just in your direction for the purpose of double checking some clothes. It's been a while since I've looked at you as a whole and not just a little part of you, a new tattoo for example. So I did this morning. I couldn't take too long, I had to get out the door to another day after all... but I looked. And you know what? You're not so bad!
At first, all I could see were the bumps and bulges and creases that I didn't want there. But I distracted myself by dancing around a little... and then there you were! The real you... gentle curves, lady-like, a cross between an hourglass and a supple pear. You aren't perfect or flawless, but when I think about what I've put you through... well I take back what I said earlier, forget not so bad - you're beautiful.
I'm going to be challenging you in the near future. 60-mile walks that will probably give you blisters. Day to day obstacles involving fueling you with subpar rations. At some point, growing another life, nuturing it with your own, and then the rigers of labor. But I know that you are going to be up for the challenge... when I look at you, I see strong.
I know we haven't always been on the best of terms. You've gotten sick, been broken, and I've blamed you horribly for putting me through that. I've put you through worse with drugs, alcohol, purposely hurting you, and not taking as good care as you as I should have. But that is in the past and we are where we are today because of it.
I have to realize that if anyone doesn't see you as being as amazing as I see you... well they are just applying unobtainable and unrealistic societal standards to you. They don't see all that you have done and will do. They don't see the real you. Amazing, strong, beautiful. I'll try my damnest to see you that way from now on.
Love,
Me
This is actually a great segway into my weekend. Yesterday Stella took me to see Spring Awakening. The music is amazing, the singing beautiful, and the story... oh the story! It's touching, funny, and completely real, something anyone can relate to at one point or another. It's about sexual awakening, teen lust, and finding your way into adulthood while learning to understand your body (see how that ties in now?) and what its doing to you. I loved this show.
The rest of the weekend was fabulous too (though tiring!). I took the train into Philly on Saturday morning, then hopped the bus to NYC where my Babs' boy, Chris, met me for some chow and convo. He's great and I loved having the chance to get to know him a little better. The one and only picture my camera was used for that weekend was one Stella took of Chris and I when he walked me back to Madison Square Garden to meet her (and do I have said picture to share? of course not! maybe tomorrow though).
After that Stella took me back to Brooklyn, showed me her place and her neighborhood... then we got dressed and headed out for dinner. Sushi, yum-o! Then it was out to two bars, Piano's Bar and Joshua Tree. Piano's was nothing special, but it was nice enough... and if we had been interested in someone playing in the music part, maybe it would have been better. Joshua Tree was great... a ton of fun, although too crowded for me at first. But fun 80s/90s music with videos playing on big screens around the room, and everyone singing along. We stayed there until 3:30 in the morning, didn't get back to Stella's until after 4... to bed around 5! I'm too old for that... I was so tired, my body wouldn't let me sleep. I was up every hour until 9 (and only half asleep between) at which point I was finally able to get to sleep for real... until our alarm went off at 12! I was definitely tired on Sunday... but the show woke me up.
Now its back to work, back to reality, and back to sweating about this weeeknd! Excited though too. Okay, back to it for me.
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~ Meegs