8-2-3

I just realized I never gave you the answer to crack my safe... so with apologies, the magic numbers are: 8, 2, 3! Yay! Or soemthing. :-)

Last night was all about the being lazy. I didn't get a weekend, so last night I didn't want to do anything. Dishes went unwashed, the house went untidied, and I relaxed, watched TV, and read. I actually watched the series finally of 7th Heaven (I'm a little embarassed). I used to watch that show for the first few seasons that it was out (as of its ending last night, it was on for 10 seasons, holy sheeet). It is a good show, but wayyy too cheesetastic for normal consumption... however since I saw the beginning I really wanted to see the end. It was okay... too much at the end (three sets of twins, are you f*ckin kidding me?!), but I'm glad I watched it. I always get a little wistful/nostgalic when I see the end of one of those shows that I feel I grew up with or grew with the characters (Night Court, Murphy Brown, Home Improvement, Friends, 7th Heaven, Will & Grace as of the 18th...). It kind of makes me feel *please don't laugh* a little old. Not in like elderly old... just like my childhood is so far behind me. Sometimes that is a bit saddening.

Anyway... the rest of the night was good, Trav came home and we had a stupid spat, but by the time we climbed in bed we were laughing and joking around like normal. And then we made up... :-)

Tonight Trav works again... tomorrow night too. I'll probably try and do something productive, but I don't know what yet. Blah. Tonight, of course, is also House... another new one and I can't wait to follow the "Forman saga". At least that gives me something to look forward to.

In other news I'm feeling a bit better today. See, if you haven't noticed, I have this problem with depression. This is something that I tend to keep to myself (so if you haven't noticed, I'm not surprised). There are days like yesterday when I just want to cry all the time, but I don't and I don't let people see that part of me either. Times like that it is so easy to get really down on myself. I feel like a failure for having a crappy job, for not making a lot of money, for being out of shape... I get caught up with looking at all my past "failures"... and it just blooms until it becomes this monster hanging over me, telling me that I am worthless. Sometimes it makes me want to give up (don't worry, I'm not suicidal... I fought that demon in high school, and won). Even when I am happy it rears it's head and tries to take me down again. But the thing that makes me that happiest in life, that takes me through all the bad parts, is Travis. Just knowing that he loves me completely and for who I am (flaws and all) makes everything else bearable. And today I am feeling really good. I still hate my job, and I still am uncomfortable in this body, but they don't seem so overwhelming.*

Well, back to work for me. I had a break this afternoon for a dentist appointment (I didn't say it was a fun break), so now my pearly whites are pearly... uh, whiter. But I'm also a bit behind, so back to work for me.




*Oh, and no, I don't want to talk about it. :-)