the thing inside.

Last night, while relaxing at Rochelle & Pat's (a great time, we missed them... and they got me a GREAT birthday present) we played darts, ate pizza, watched tv, and played Scrabble. All while consuming alcohol (mass quantities of beer for the boys, a few yummy fruity drinks for the women). Little did I know that amist the fun and laughter, trouble was brewing inside.

2am rolls around and we finally all roll into bed. Travis is asleep in 5 minutes... Ro and Pat are quiet almost as quickly. I lay awake, having just felt the disturbing rumblings of trouble in my intestines. Soon I give up on sleep and wander to the bathroom... I figure I can probably just fart my troubles away. Wrong.

[WARNING: POOP TALK BELOW]

Never have I had such a horrible mixture of intense gas and constipation. I sat on the toilet for about 35 minutes, writhing in pain, as my gut was slowly ripped apart from the inside out, until, at last I was able to let out a poop that looked disturbingly like a children's top... about 2+ inches in diameter at the top, and tapering to a point.

At that point (around 10 of 3am) I was able to tottle my way back to bed, and collapse into it... asleep in probably 2 minutes, a record for me, so great was my relief at the passing of that horrid, gut-wrenching turd.

Much to my relief, that was the end of it. I woke up at 8 to pee, and was back asleep until about 11. Everyone woke up around then as well. And today has been pretty successful... got our grocery shopping done, Trav got to stop at a garage sale (thought a rather unsatisfying one), and he was sweet enough to take me to see the puppies at the pet store down the road from our place. Now we are watching football, and upon thinking about the ungodly 2am I had last night, I would like to give this shout out (whether she see it or not):

"Dooce (aka Heather), you are my hero. The everyday trial of pooping, that you must endure, would leave most grown men sobbing. Me, and my colon, salute you."