I am the "desk stealers" b*tch.

So originally I was going to write this whole article about my former-Ambassador officemate ("I'm sooooo important," he thinks to himself...), who it rather technologically inept, and therefore interrupts me 100x a day to ask stupid questions; because obviously his stuff is more important then what I am doing...

But, inspired by Krystel's away message: "Spring is a time of rebirth and regrowth, new beginnings, forgiving the past, finding that someone who makes you smile and laugh wholeheatedly in the newfound sunshine and most of all, Spring breaks ground for new beginnings and happier times!"
I have instead decided to focus on happier things that make me smile, and let go of my misgivings towards the Honorable Desk Stealer (as Trav and I like to call him... because when he came to work here, you guessed it, he wanted my desk), and try to ignore his constantly acting as if everything here isn't good enough for him... and just try to get along with him to the best of my ability. So bye bye anger, and hello new found relaxation!

Now we'll see how long this lasts. So, in the meantime... here are some funnies for everyone to enjoy, I hope they bring a smile to your face as well.

16 THINGS THAT TOOK ME OVER 50 YEARS TO LEARN
by Dave Barry, Nationally Syndicated Columnist

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."
3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
5. You should not confuse your career with your life.
6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
7. Never lick a steak knife.
8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
10. You should never say anything to a woman that evens remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to a waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)
14. Your friends love you anyway.
15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
16. Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine.. They start out as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

FINAL THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2030, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them
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Children In Church
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Jesus' Dad's Name A Sunday school teacher asked her class, "What was Jesus' mother's name?" One child answered, "Mary." The teacher then asked, "Who knows what Jesus' father's name was?" A little kid said, "Verge." Confused, the teacher asked, "Where did you get that?" The kid said, "Well, you know they are always talking about Verge n' Mary.
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3-year-old, Reese: "Our Father, Who does art in heaven, Harold is His name. Amen." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A little boy was overheard praying:
"Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I am."
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A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments. They were ready to discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it was. Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted, "Thou shall not take the covers off the neighbor's wife."
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After the christening of his baby brother in church, Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong Finally, the boy replied, "That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I wanted to stay with you guys."
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I had been teaching my three-year old daughter, Caitlin, the Lord's Prayer for several evenings at bedtime, she would repeat after me the lines from the prayer. Finally, she decided to go solo. I listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each word right up to the end of the prayer: "Lead us not into temptation," she prayed, "but deliver us some E-mail.
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A Sunday school teacher asked her children, as they were on the way to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old brother Joel were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had had enough. "You're not supposed to talk out loud in church." "Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked. Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those two men standing by the door? They're hushers."
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A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5 and Ryan 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. "If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, 'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'" Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus!"
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A women invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to her six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?" "I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied. "Just say what you hear Mommy say," the women answered. The daughter bowed her head and said, "Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"
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CARDIOLOGIST'S FUNERAL
A cardiologist died & was given an elaborate funeral. A huge heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service. Following the eulogy, the heart opened & the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever. At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter. When all eyes stared at him, he said, "I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral....... I'm a gynecologist" The proctologist fainted. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hope that brought a smile to your face. It certainly did mind! So here is my new "resolution", on top of trying to let go of my anger for the desk stealer... everyday after lunch, I am heading outside for 10 minutes. Just a quick walk around the block. I always feel guilty about taking 10 minutes for myself during the day... even though I'm always early to work, and never mind staying late, and 90% of the time take less then my allotted hour for lunch... but I figure, just taking those 10 minutes to get some fresh air and sun, and to just relax and think about anything other then work... well it will do wonders for me! So that is what I will do from now on. Okay, that's enough for now.