job loathing

Grr... I hate how up and down and up and down and up and (well you get the idea)... my emotions can be. One minute I'm so excited about house searching, Trav and I getting our own place, and about all the exciting things we have to look forward to in the next few months. But then I get so discouraged, and so down, and it's always about my job.

Let me lay it out.

I ... hate ... my ... job.

While I love my coworkers (for the most part), and the fact that I have a salaried position, the job itself is frustrating. Disappointing. Draining. I work for a foreign policy think tank... which definitely has the potential to be great, except that I lack the experience to get the type of position that I want (doing research), and the hierarchy in this institute isn't set up in such a way as to promote, well, promotions. So it's not like I can hope that after doing grunt work for the VP and Pres for a year (which will be this June already), that I could be moved into a better position. Proving myself does nothing, except get the occational "good job".
And the pay sucks to boot.

All I can think about is findig a better job and leaving here... but what do I look for? I don't know what I really want to do. I love Chinese culture and history and studying their foreign policy; but there are so few places around here that have such a focus (probably less then a hand full), and I don't want to move to DC. I'm beginning to think that IR was a mistake. And I know that you are all thinking that everyone hates their first job, which is probably 90% true, but I'm not looking for the most perfect job... just something that doesn't make me feel like screaming everytime I think about it.
I think I am just not cut out for the typical desk job. I need something different... I would love to work outside, or at least something that takes me outside on a regular basis. Something that gets me moving, and that makes me feel satisfied at the end of the day. If I could only have more days (then not) when I'm not checking the clock every 15 minutes, then I would be happy. I just need to find something different. *sighs*

Moving on. I also just realize I never wrote about Valentine's Day, so I suppose I might as well at least put a paragraph about that. It was definitely a nice night. Trav and I went more low-key this year, which ended up being really nice. It was nice and relaxing. We each got each other two small but fun/meaningful to us gifts. And not like mushy meanigful... but stuff we can actually use, and that we each had wanted. Trav sent me some roses, which made me smile all day (and still today as they are holding up great), and handled dinner as well. He got use a big platter of sushi and sushi rolls, brewed up some green tea, and got some saki. It was great.
And hey, at least I got to end on a happy note.