not that late... and music

Here I am, just relaxing by myself... both the boys are asleep. Trav around 9:30, and mike around 10:30... so I am just listening to music and relaxing in my meloncolie. It's not bad. I actually haven't gotten to be truly alone in a while. Just to feel my happy or sad or mellow or whatever feelings, as I want to feel them, and not be distracted by others. Right now I am listening to Fisher "I Will Love You"... and am meloncolie. But I suppose I am picking much mellower songs on purpose so...

Now on to Cranberries "Dream" which is a great song. It makes me feel young and vulnerable to listen to it.

Today was interesting... day was just a day basically, except that I felt a little jumpy, and like something was going to happen. Didn't pan out that way, which is just fine with me... but the whole day I felt like I was forgeting something or should be looking over my shoulder.
And then this evening. Hmm. Well, the boys decided to have some fun at my expense... which ended up backfiring on them, but really kind of hurt my feelings in the longrun. Not their intent, but that's what happened.

I just have this deep-seeded feeling that people just love to have a laugh at my expense because its easy to take advantage of my emotions. I love to take care of people... especially my good friends, so if something happens to them I do what I can to be there for them. I guess that just makes me an easy target.

"And now I tell you openly, you have my heart so don't hurt me..."

Maybe I should just not care anymore. Obviously this doesn't apply to Travis or Babs, or the like... but really, right now I wouldn't mind telling most others to f* off.
My "list" just got a lot shorter.

Tomorrow should be great too: Heather is coming over... my babwa, my oldest friend. It's always an experience when we get together. We have simply known each other for so long that an hour of silence feels so comfortable. We've grown so much, and changed so much, and we are so different now then when we started the friendship... but its just great because we still know each other like no one else does, and she makes me think of myself and my thoughts/actions/feelings in completely different ways then I would on my own. We offer each other perspective in unique ways. So tomorrow should be wonderful.
We are going to look at some bridal mags, and get some ideas. I have the feeling that this will make me feel like the biggest little kid.

"No Women No Cry"... the version where you can hear the audience in the background start to sing when they start playing the music. So great.

I'm reading "The Catcher in the Rye" right now... amazing to say, but i've never read it before. So far it is good. One of books that flows exactly like brain thoughts. It's like its purposely a slightly choppy flow, so that occationally you have to pause and catch your breathe.

Just got done with "Animal Farm" which is an amazing book, and completely dripping with such sarcasm and hidden political wit and scorn... even for a satire, its laid on thick. Loved it.
Wonder if GW has ever read it?

But if you haven't, then you should.

On to random songs from the Gladiator Soundtrack. Such great earthy primal sounds. I particularly love, "Now We are Free"... the song from the very end, when he is running to his wife and son...
Have to throw some classics in... "Stairway to Heaven" and "Wish You Were Here", which is possibly one of my favorite songs of all times.

Okay, time to just lounge, listen and perhaps read.