wonderful weekend, and now the Blah...

So pacing break was the most wonderful thing in the world, and really the R&R I needed... Seeing heather was great, and we had so much fun. I needed to see her. Lately I've been missing big time. Then camping with my boy... oh man, i couldn't have picked anything better! We got to cook on the fire, and snuggle in our sleeping bags at night, and see a bear up close (okay, that part was scary!!). The best though was just the quality alone time we got. And we exchanged anniversary presents. He is so awesome. I got a pretty necklace (silver and jade, i think), and an Eagles jersey!! Yay! I was going to get one myself before, so I'm glad I waited. And he got the trip, and these silver wine glasses that were engraved with our names. He also has a shirt coming, if it ever gets back in stock!! I hope, I hope! We exchanged those on Friday night because I wanted him to be able to use the glasses for the champagne I brought (from my Uncle Wray for my birthday). It was definitely wonderful. Then yesterday (the 13th), was our actual anniversary... 3 years. Trav took off which was nice... I love being able to come home to him there. We laid around and watched movies on TV, and got Chinese food for dinner. Then of course we watched the game... yay for STL, but boo for the lower score (tie-breaker, Trav won). It was a great day over all.

Now, my original plan was to end this entry with my happy thoughts, but today has just plunged me into reality again.

This is a call to the colorblind
This is an IOU
Stranded behind a horizon line
Try to be something true
Yes, I'm grounded
Got my wings clipped
I'm surrounded by
All this pavement
Guess I'll circle
While I'm waiting
For my fuse to dry
Chorus: Someday I'll fly
Someday I'll soar
Someday I'll be
So damn much more
Cause I'm bigger than my body
Gives me credit for

Why is it not the time?
What is there more to learn?
I've shed this skin
I've been tripping in
And I've never quite returned

Yes, I'm grounded
Got my wings clipped
I'm surrounded by
All this pavement
Guess I'll circle
While I'm waiting
For my fuse to dry

Chorus
Cause I'm bigger than my body now
Maybe I'll tangle in the power lines
And it might be over in a second's time
But I'll gladly go down in a flame I
f the flame's what it takes to remember my name
To remember my name, oh Yes, I'm grounded
Got my wings clipped I'm surrounded by
All this pavement
Guess I'll circle
While I'm waiting
For my fuse to dry

Chorus
Cause I'm bigger than my body
Bigger than my body
Bigger than my body now

John Mayer – Bigger than my Body

Lets see, first I had to wake up and realize that Trav was gone again for the rest of the week. Boo for that, I just can't wait to graduate and be able to wake up next to him everyday. Then I got my test back, and lets just say that I currently despise Professor Barkey. Which of course made me think about my paper which I don't know how I'm going to do it... and now that my first test went so poorly despite my days of studying, I really have to get a kick ass grade on it to pull my test grade up.

I'm just depressed because I love IR, but it makes me feel so stupid. Why can't I get things? Why can't I remember stupid names and places and dates? I've been feeling like I picked the wrong major for about the last year now... but it was too late to do anything about it. And I can't understand how people can graduate a semester early as a double major, and I can't do one major well. I guess I didn't plan things out correctly... I guess I am just not smart enough to do as well I as know I should be able to do.

So there we go... instead of ending on the happy "I Love My Travis" note that I originally wanted to end on, we'll stop here on the "I'm a retard and can't handle feeling stupid anymore" note. What a tuesday.